Reinventing Yourself in Relationships with Love


Have you been feeling it? The distinct sensation of your role in relationships getting rattled?

This Full Moon Eclipse

I know I have. The heavens has a potent full moon eclipse lined up for us in the wee morning hours of Weds 10/8 at 3:51 PDT (aka late tonight.) The luminaries are plugging into some ground shaking, evolutionary and fiery forces. I wouldn’t recommend bracing yourself.

The Roles We've Played

To a certain degree we’ve all survived in this world by taking on certain roles and identities in our relationships. Caregiver, bad girl, entertainer, solid one… You take your pick. Or you took your pick. No doubt you’ve found some way of being in relationships that helped ensure that you were wanted and needed. Some way of getting attention and securing a connection.

Those roles we play create some element of stability. Yet they also have their limitations. What happens when you’ve outgrown them? What happens when a full moon eclipse in Aries pulls out the rug underneath them?

Reinventing Yourself in Relationships

I can’t help but feel that this is a prime opportunity to intentionally shake the etch a sketch and reinvent ourselves in relationships.

Shedding the skin of an old identity can feel really vulnerable. And someone in resistance to their own vulnerability can do some pretty silly things. Like pick fights or get hyper clingy or imagine their partner is doing something they aren’t.

So what’s the alternative? How can you intentionally shake things up with presence and creativity? How can you reinvent yourself in relationships in a way that generates more love, more juice, more connection, more beauty?

Your Body Knows the Way


Today I’m in the mood to recommend tapping into your body’s instinctive impulses to help you stay grounded in the present moment and open to change.

Huh? you say...

Here’s an example: Last night I was kinda freaking out. I recently moved to a place more in alignment with my evolving relationship and I just got a download on a radical new professional identity (more on that in a month or two.) I was feeling super vulnerable and my man was getting hit with my fears. I was facilitating between clingy and critical. Not happy making for either of us.

It wasn’t until I did this thing with my body where I squeezed him with all my strength and then let go that my mindset began to shift. I was physically enacting the defense pattern my heart was trying to do. Cling. Cling like mad. Then release. I clung to him with my arms and legs and whole body until I couldn’t anymore and then just let it go. It felt freaking good. So I went with it. And I kept going with it until my whole perspective did a 180.

Suddenly I could see his inherent trustworthiness and how blind I was. Suddenly I could see how I was playing out an old and super outdated role. Suddenly the love between us simultaneously grounded and shot through the roof. That was happy yummy making indeed.

An Invitation to Explore

So what’s your favorite primal defense pattern? To push? To cling? To run? To shut down? To get shaky? To hide?

What would it be like if you gave yourself the opportunity to physically, mindfully and playfully do that very thing your body wants to do when faced with big changes?

It could just be a little 3- 10 min exploration. It requires a certain degree of listening to your body’s impulses to find what feels good. Enlisting the support of another would be awesome. Or you can enlist the support of a wall if you need to push. Or a pillow if you want to hit. Or a punk rock playlist if you need to dance out some anger.

There are no have-tos in this exploration. Just an invitation to get creative, present and physical. And please don’t forget to follow the thread of pleasure.

Through this process we can beautifully ride the waves of vulnerability that get stirred up as we attempt to reinvent ourselves and our roles in relationships.

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