Professionally helping people in the realm of relationships is bound to reveal some patterns. For the Hendricks (one of my relationship coaching teachers) one of their fascinating observations is that ‘drama exists in relationships where there is a deficiency of creative expression.’ In other words, if you aren’t tapping into your sense of creative wonder, you are bound to stir up drama in your love life.
Play is Vital
Similarly, researcher Dr. Stuart Brown has found that restricting play in childhood is strongly correlated to violent behavior in later years. He co-authored “Play: How It Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul.”
Leo in Bloom
What does play, creativity and drama all have in common? Well they are all expressions of the archetype Leo, where the Sun is currently shining and the Full Moon in Aquarius is reflecting its light this Sunday.
Unconscious Fidelity Doesn't Play Nice
While meditating on this Full Moon, my brain spontaneously popped up with the phrase “unconscious fidelity.” I wonder how much our “unconscious fidelity” with our traditions blocks our creative and playful self-expression? And by extension, how much does “unconscious fidelity” create drama in our relationships?
I know it does in my case. I’m currently in the process of putting a house I co-own with my parents on the market. The sale of the house will be a momentous moment of liberation for me. In many ways this house was purchased in a deep haze of “unconscious fidelity.” At heart, I’m a freedom loving, world-wondering lover of the new and exotic. I often relate to my living quarters as a base-camp. The choice to buy a house with my parents 10 years ago was in many ways me being loyal to my parent’s way of being.
Because I unconsciously chose to pour my money and energies into my parents’ strategy for living, I’ve gone through some serious dramas and headaches. Homeowner I am not. Trying to be has sucked. My choice to buy did not honor my true, heart-felt way of expressing myself in the world.
Fidelity to my lineage has supported me in many ways, but now is a different moment in my evolution. Now I have some consciousness around my “unconscious fidelity” with my parents. I don’t have to tear my hair out because I suck as a landlady. I don’t have to judge myself for not being good at what they are good at. I can tap into my own healthy inner parent and shine the light of approval on all the ways I am naturally brilliant, who I am and what lights me up.
My unconscious loyalty to my parents’ ways has put loads of strain on our relationship. And
that strain has created tension in my relationships with my partners and boyfriends along the way.
A Creative Way Out
So how to get out of this drama? I'm feeling inspired to tap into my creativity and explore ways to consciously honor my parents and who they are without sacrificing or judging who I am at heart. This is an ongoing inquiry. Progress is happening. There are no solid answers just yet. But simply stating the intention has me feeling lighter, brighter, heart opened, loving and sweet.
What about you?
What dramas are showing up in your relationships?
Are there any ways your natural creative expression is being held back due to some unconscious loyalty to familiar traditions you grew up with? How does that show up in your self-talk?
How can you tap into your wonder-filled creativity and honor your lineage in ways that support who you are and your natural self-expression?