On Sept. 6th I will start facilitating a self-love skills eCourse for women called “Your Compelling Bubble of Love” that asks (among other things) the invaluable question: what do you want? To be more specific, participants are invited to ask themselves “what do I want?”
Even though it is only a 4 word question, answering it can be uncomfortably challenging at times. Sometimes knowing what you want can feel downright impossible. Honoring your true heart’s desires requires skills and vulnerability. Which is one reason why I take 6 weeks to lay down some ground work in my course before we deep dive into this question.
A heart that devotedly expresses one’s deepest desires is key to unlocking one’s powers of creative manifestation. A creative heart emanates a particular glow. Getting familiar with the common blocks that get in the way of you being intimately connected to your heart’s deepest wants will help your love life shine.
So what are some blocks and solutions to knowing your true heart’s desires?
Healing Numbing and Unprocessed Grief
It’s hard to know what you want if you are disconnected from your body and emotions. Unprocessed grief can keep us numb to ourselves, our hearts and life’s possibilities. Old unmet needs, expectations and dreams when not given space to be mourned and put to rest can hold us back from daring to desire.
In YCBL I present the skill of Sourcing, which provides healing support to the challenge of being present to and releasing old griefs and losses. Sourcing is shorthand for the skill of mindfully Connecting to the Source of Love. And when I speak of the 'Source of Love' I’m referring to what some call the Divine or Oneness; that limitless, omnipresent essential something that is a wellspring of love even when the objects and people we want close feel out of reach.
Sourcing can bathe all our old losses with loving presence and help us step back in the Mystery with a renewed sense of possibility. Sourcing is an art I invite you to explore with an open heart.
Repairing Ruptured Boundaries
If you have a history of your boundaries being violated and/or disrespected it can leave an imprint of disempowerment and a diminished sense of self-awareness. It’s hard to let yourself want what you want if you don’t believe you have the power to get what you want. And it can be even harder to connect to what you want if your attention is leaping out of your body and focusing on what other people want and/or need.
Focusing on others is a valid strategy when our very survival is dependent on another person (which is always the case in childhood). But as adults, if we abandon our bodies and our power to invest our life force solely on people and things that are happening outside of our “Sphere of Sovereignty” (a concept I dive into in YCBL) then it can be hard to own what your heart truly desires.
Consciously investing your creative life force into generating a felt sense of healthy boundaries is vital if you want to reclaim your power and unapologetically own what you want. Repairing ruptured boundaries is a healing art that I discovered in my training as a Somatic Experiencing Trauma Resolution practitioner.
Reversing Being Under Resourced
One of the primary tools I was introduced to in my trauma training is that of Resourcing (the 3rd skill in the YCBL class). Resourcing is the act of intentionally focusing on that which is pleasurable and/or positive with curiosity until your nervous system is soothed. A brain that is running curiosity and pleasure cannot simultaneously run trauma patterns.
Being under resourced is a cultural virus that has palpable roots in paradigms that equate pleasure with sin. There is nothing that gives me greater pleasure than to bust that worldview apart and help propagate communities that celebrate savoring the goodness of life.
To be resourced invites presence, self-awareness and a sense of agency… all allies in the pursuit of knowing and claiming what you want.
To Be Continued...
I could go on and on about the barriers to honoring your true heart’s desires and the healing opportunities they represent. Given the opportunity, I would love to share with you some invaluable tools to help your love life shine. Things like listening deeply to your truth and meeting your needs are things I would love explore with you to help your heart blossom and your love life glow.
Alas, only so much can be said in a newsletter. My hope is that you will get more intimate and curious about the self-love skills and tools referenced here by enrolling in my upcoming self-love skills eCourse for women: