4 Tips On How to Improve Your Relationship to Yourself for the Freshly Single

February 20, 2014

1. Commit to Loving Yourself


This may already be in the bag for you or it might seem like a weird and lofty aspiration.  But nonetheless, if you want a loving and healthy relationship with anybody you need to start with yourself. As a freshly single human you have a potent opportunity to set new standards and let go of old unfulfilling relationship habits.


A commitment to really loving yourself will go a long way in resisting the temptation to fall back into relationship patterns that aren’t really in alignment with your true desires. A commitment to loving yourself is a great way create a bubble of love wherever you go.


What we all want is love.  By getting behind the phrase “I commit to loving myself” over and over again you begin to solidify a pattern of self-love that will only serve you going forward.


2. Forgive Yourself


If you recently broke up with somebody, chances are you are feeling some regrets about the choices you made. Perhaps there are pangs in the way you did and didn’t show up in the relationship.  Forgiving yourself means accepting yourself for who you were and what you did. It means have compassion for the you that did those things.


Even if your ex was a real ass my guess is that you have entertained some level of self-judgement for choosing to be with a not so stellar person.  Please forgive yourself.  

I know that it can be tempting to fan the flame of self-judgement in order to girdle yourself against repeating those regrettable actions. But studies have shown that shaming judgements only perpetuate unhealthy behavior. Loving yourself while being mindful of self-destructive tendencies is an entirely different and far more effective strategy for making lasting changes.


3. Get Curious about What Lights You Up


If you wanted to create a juicy and satisfying relationship with somebody it would really serve you to get curious about what lights them up.  What makes them glow?  What turns them on?  What makes them happy?  What do they find fulfilling and soul satisfying?


Why not ask yourself the same questions?  It will do wonders for your relationship with yourself.

I know it’s really tempting to contort and twist one’s authentic desires in an attempt to keep a relationship going. And maybe you’ve pushed down your wants for so long that you’ve lost touch with what really makes you happy. But as a newly single person you have an opportunity to stop that silliness. You now have a clean slate.


I hope you get curious about what lights you up because when you are tuned in to what turns you on, you are in a great position to give yourself what you love.


The more you glow, the more you prioritize giving yourself what you love, the more you show up for your desires, the more you will fall in love with yourself and the more you will invite others to do the same. Don’t just take my word on this.  Try it out for yourself.


4. Release Notions of Yourself that Don’t Serve


We’ve all experienced sticky and icky relationships where somebody can’t seem to get past their idea of who we are.  That uncle that can’t get past that memory of you as an awkward shy teenage? That random human stuck on some story of who you are because of some slim understanding? Doesn’t feel great to be around, does it?


Truth is, most of us do the same thing to ourselves. We are constantly evolving and growing, old skins no longer apply.  To be in a healthy and loving relationship with yourself means seeing the you that is here and now. So please drop the outdated stories and labels.

If you must attach to an idea about who you are, try on one that is lights you up. Doesn’t it feel great when somebody sees your potential and is more aware of your beauty underneath the surface?


“I am whole and loved” has been one of my favorite mantras of self-understanding.  It can be a jewel for the freshly single.

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