Riding the of Edge of Chaos enroute to Interdependent Loving

October 5, 2013


Discovering a Gem of a Theorem

When I was an undergrad at UC Santa Cruz I had a mild obsession with the New Sciences.  I was constantly devouring books on quantum mechanics, morphogenetic fields and Chaos Theory.

For me there was an incredible satisfaction in exploring the theories and findings of well honed scientists that somehow described my deep intuitive sense of reality.


One such gem was a theorem I found in a book on Chaos theory.  It described the mathematics that predicted the behavior of open self-organized systems. Open self-organized systems classically include traffic patterns and cloud formations.  They are also known as complex systems. Complex systems, by definition, could also include any living organism as well as couples and family systems.


Finding Clarity in Chaos Theory 

This theorem stated that when energy is added to an open self-organized system at some point it will reach a threshold where it will either fragment into chaos or entirely reorganize its structure to a higher order functionality and resiliency.


I don’t know about you, but I can’t help but notice how this theorem is incredibly descriptive of so many phenomena in life.


Like have you noticed that if enough stress and pressure is applied to a human or a couple they will eventually either have a breakdown or breakthrough? I know so many couples who reach a new level of depth, connection and intimacy and nearly breakup. And vice versa.


And how about those times when an abundance of opportunity and energy is coming your way and you’re dancing on the cusp of birthing a whole new more amazing brilliant you.  And yet at the same time feel like you are skirting the edges of totally falling apart?


And have you noticed how big energetic waves of love, intimacy and pleasure often proceed big scary and seemingly chaotic shifts in our psyches and relationship dynamics?


Even on a government level, we are seeing precarious chaotic political maneuvers in response to an attempt reach a whole new level of functionality and capacity within our healthcare system.

What do all these phenomena have in common? See above theorem.


Add energy to a complex system in the form of stress, love, intimacy, projects and possibility and by the nature of open self-organizing systems you will find that edge where things will either fall apart and break down or fall apart and reconstitute to a whole new order of capacity and resiliency.


Friday's Libra New Moon opposes the Planet of Chaos

Why am I bringing this up now? Because Friday's New Moon at 5:34 PDT in Libra happens to line up with the harbinger of chaos and brilliant quantum shifts himself, Uranus (in Aries.)

Given that all quantum leaps in resiliency and brilliance flirt with chaos and disintegration I can't help but wonder what makes the difference.


How to have a Breakthrough (not a Breakdown)

What makes the difference between a breakdown and a breakthrough? What makes the difference between a breakup and new order of health and vitality in a relationship?

Recently I had the deeply satisfying pleasure of listening to the audio book "The Neurobiology of We" by Daniel Siegel, MD. This preeminent author and teacher also suggests that the mathematics and theories that relate to open self-organized complex systems can be applied to intrapersonal and interpersonal relationship dynamics.


In addition to giving me a glorious sense of personal validation for my 18 year old pet theory he also offered an important piece of the puzzle.  He identifies a key quality that makes the difference between chaos and high order functionality in complex systems. This characteristic can make the difference between a chaotic breakdown and a brilliant breakthrough.


The Key is Integration

This key quality is integration. Integration is characterized by both differentiation and connection or “the linkage of differentiated elements in a system.” p. 64 Mindsight by Daniel Siegel.

When is comes to relationships you may have noticed that healthy, resilient couples capable of meeting all sorts of challenges and pleasures in life will have a dynamic and harmonious balance of individuality (Aries) and togetherness (Libra).


There is something that just seems good and healthy when two people in a relationship can enjoy being alone, going out with their own friends, say their unabashed truth and tune into their own unique desires. There is also a sense of yummy goodness that emerges when these two people can also enjoy cuddling, shared values, collaboration and intimate togetherness.


Aries-Libra Integration and Interdependence

While meditating on the significance of this Friday’s new moon in Libra (opposite Uranus in Aries) the following came my way courtesy of Philippe Lewis’ facebook page (the astrological annotation is mine):


Aries~ Independent: We do just fine by ourselves
Libra~ Co-dependent: We need each other
Aries/Libra Integration~ Interdependent: We do so much better together

Differentiation is the domain of Aries, while connection is that of Libra. When these two archetypes are in harmonious balance what we have is interdependence (another form of integration.)


Libra consciousness craves connection and relationship.  “We need each other” is a sticking point in our relationships when we lose ourselves in Libra.  Call it over-coupling, fusion or co-dependence it doesn’t matter.  When relationships that fail to honor each other unique differences (Aries) and over value togetherness (Libra) they have a tendency to breakdown and/or go stale in rigidity.


Aries, Libra’s opposite and significant other, would like us to believe “I do fine by myself.” The Aries side of the human psyche is protective of its individuality and independence. It lights a spark in our spirit and asks us to differentiate and be our own person. While a healthy dose of Aries individuality is essential for vibrancy and a potent sex life, a hyper active sense of independence can be destructive to relationship containers.


Ideally we are able to find a healthy dynamic balance between the Libra desire for connection and the Aries need for individuation. In this connected, vibrant and integrated relationship dynamic, “We do it so much better together.”


When we are a part of an interdependent and integrated relationship, we are capable of responding the the energetic demands and desires of life with much more grace, effectiveness and resiliency. We are a part of system that operates at a high order of living and loving.


New Moon Prayer for Loving Interdependence

During this New Moon in Libra we have a timely opportunity to plant a seed intention to make significant and healthy shifts in your relationship to relationships-- where integration and interdependence are valued and honored.  Granted, you might have to meet your edges and flirt with chaos in order to create some higher order relationship dynamics. Explore your vulnerable edge. Trust me, it’s worth it.


In the pursuit of integration the question is: How can you cultivate more interdependence in your relationships? Do you need to be embody more of your Aries self or create a more Libra-esque presence of mind?


Aries: Do you need to learn how to enjoy more independent action? And dare to go at something alone-- referencing your own desires and impulses before you turn towards another for validation and mirroring?  With Uranus currently in Aries any impulses that are out of character, surprising and unorthodox is just about right.


Libra: Or do you need to tune up the volume on Libra’s need for connection and togetherness? What would support you to feel more at ease meeting another person’s desires and needs? How can you flow with another person’s lead with greater equanimity and yielding receptivity? How can you relax more deeply into the reality of your connection?


Making Quantum Leaps Slowly

With Uranus slowly moving its ways through Aries for the next 6 years you've got some time to make quantum leaps in your sense of Self. During this time I hope you dare to meet the edge of chaos on your way to creating more vibrant, resilient and interdependent you in relationships.  


Pluto: Inviting Deeply Grounded Authorship

With Pluto in Capricorn squaring this Uranus/ New Moon balancing act you can expect that the desire to control and suppress new unorthodox ways of being in relationship will reveal itself. Internalized parental and cultural voices, terrified of the unknown, may protest your new emerging sense of self.


To truly take authorship of your life and live into new brilliant stories of loving and relating, old stories of disempowerment will need to be metabolized and integrated.

Remember, we are seeking differentiation and connection (aka integration.)  How can you differentiate from traditions and the expectations your family of origin, while at the same time honoring the deep connections embedded in your ancestral lineage? You don’t need to answer that now. This is decade long inquiry as Pluto is not interested in anybody’s need for immediate gratification.  


Liberate your Evolutionary Energy for Good Loving

There are powerhouses of energy and regenerative life force stored in every resentment and entanglement buried in the archeological layers of our shared history. To whatever degree to you can forgive and release the past, honor the impulses of your new emerging sense of self and enjoy the inhale and exhale of relationships is awesome. This will help you to release these store houses of energy and propel your life forward with greater integration, well-being and empowered interdependent loving.

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